You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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