I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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