no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I'm bleeding and have questions
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
