god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
