Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
