Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
me + whiskey = a bad person
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
