Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Randomize
