If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
