Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
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