I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Randomize
