woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
