just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
