While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
