on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
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