I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
