not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
