I'm jealous of your bromance
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
