I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
