so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
