I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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