i think i have two assholes
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
being pregnant is like rehab
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
