Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
