Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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