I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
