Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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