They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
