TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
