At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
