I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
