yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
