...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Randomize
