I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
