I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
i think i have herpe
just one?
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Randomize
