words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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