I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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