There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
