I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
