my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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