its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
