Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
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