I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
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