u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
