big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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