there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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