then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
