Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Randomize
