come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
