I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
