just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
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