Can Purell be used as lube?
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
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